Others say...

"clear, easy to understand"
Good, common sense, basic advise makes for a fun and easy read and
ideas you can use right away to start making your life less complicated
and feel better overall.

"Helpful!"
Have difficulty dealing with situations where you want to be nice but need a new tact in order to be effective? This book helps.

"Brief over view notes - excellent book"
We become whole to the degree that we are able and willing to receive and give love; offers unconditional acceptance; creates hope. To live by love(unconditional acceptance) is to find joy we've always been looking for. We are valid and accepted no matter what we're like. error 1- trying to be perfect. Undeserved Forgiveness- Someone could extend an extravagant favor to you that you feel you do not deserve- violates forgiveness, kisses, and embraces you. Generate courage through a blind leap of faith. Love them as they are for their benefit. Agree with those who rightly criticize you. Avoid those who insist on you being perfect. Interdependence not Independence is adult psychology. error 2- taking on too much; Express a healthy self love not selfishness. error 3- Not saying want you want; ex- I'd like you to bring me flowers now and then. I want you to talk respectfully to me. I'd like you to be positive, specific, and direct with me. I'd like you to touch me like this, right here, right now. Track down the blocking fear and name it. I'm embarrassed to ask this, but I would like you to do sch-and-such for me. Ask for info. Invite others to say what they want from you. "tell me what you want, I don't want you to be afraid. Error 4- suppressing anger; Talk direct to who violates you; talk about the fear not the anger. Error 5 - Reasoning w/ Irrationality; Reasoning doesn't take seriously the gap b/t actual events and irrationality of those who attack us. Error 7- Giving Advice- Whatever you do, never, ever give advice. (form of control! I will not rob her of the benefits of solving her own problem. I don't blame you for being confused. Good- helpful, supportive info. Advice is never helpful! They may not have any satisfying solutions available to them. Error 8- Rescuing Others; Cause and Effect of Addiction- Engage in short- cut, substitute behaviors. We ache for a friend who tolerates an abusive relationship and drifts into depression. Why rescuing is a mistake- doesn't work, enabling- abusing those who are abusing themselves. HARMS US- CONSUMES US AS WELL AS THEM , changes us and our own behavior for the worse. We rescue to avoid the pain of seeing our loved ones destroy themselves. NOT EVERYTHING THAT FEELS CARING AND SINCERE IS ACTUALLY HELPFUL. FROM NOW ON , I WILL NOT TRY TO SAVE OTHERS FROM THEIR SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR. "It MUST BE TERRIBLE TO HAVE THOSE MEMORIES AND FEELINGS." they MUST REFUSE TO LIVE AS VICTIMS OF THE PAST AND MAKE A NEW START IN LIFE. 1. YOU HAVE GREAT WORTH SIMPLY AS YOU ARE, 2 YOU HAVE DONE THINGS THAT YOU ARE SHAMED OF, 3 HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO LET YOUR DEFEATS AND SHAME CONTROL YOUR LIFE. identify , EXPOSE, AND REJECT ANY SHAME, GRIEF THEIR BEARING. "YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD, none OF US ARE PERFECT. " IT MUST BE SCARY GOING THROUGH THIS." "THIS MUST BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR YOU." God LOVED YOUR BROTHER SO MUCH HE HAS TAKEN HIM TO HEAVEN WITH HIM."

"Thoughtful, Practical and Timeless"
If you've ever had trouble being honest and nice at the same time, this is the book for you! Using personal stories and anecdotes, Duke Robinson illustrates the dangers and pitfalls of certain well-intended, polite behaviors; then gives practical techniques for becoming more authentic and improving our relationships. This is a guidebook to honest, respectful and effective communication.

The book reveals the self-defeating consequences of unconscious mistakes such as Trying to Be Perfect, Reasoning With Irrationality, Telling Little Lies and Rescuing Others. Principles such as Accepting Your Acceptance, Generating Empathy, Addressing Fear and Saying What You Want are the tools that will lead you forward. It takes conscious effort to break old habits, but it's well worth it. By understanding and practicing the solutions described, you will be able to live with greater integrity and joy, and you'll still be a nice person.

I have dozens of friends who have read this book and we've all been literally transformed by these timeless teachings. I've been reading and referring to it for many years, and will continue to consider it a valuable resource for difficult communication situations.

This book will enrich your life! Highly recommended.

"Women will relate to more than one chapter."
Pass this terrific book along to a female friend and point out some of the counterproductive "nice behaviors" captured in the chapter titles, such as Trying to be Perfect, Taking on Too Much, Not Saying What You Want, Suppressing Anger, and Giving Advice. Watch how she responds. Her curiosity will force her to turn immediately to any number of behaviors that give her trouble. This book is an easy read; you don't have to spend hours analyzing every word, and there's no psychobabble. The messages are quickly identifiable, clear and effective. Those of us--men as well as women--who nurture, caretake, volunteer, try to love unconditionally, and are "nice" people, don't always need to be rewarded for our giving, but the author convinces us that we need not create negative responses to our efforts to be helpful, set ourselves up for burnout or make relationship matters worse. How to do that isn't easy if you're typically "nice." The book's outlined steps, however, will help you, like they've helped me, to change your behavior and avoid the downsides of being nice ... while still being a nice person. I am grateful for the author's insight, care, clarity and wisdom. Is the book perfect in every way? No, and that's the important point--none of us is or has to be perfect all the time.